End of the First Half...

Face to Face with George we're discussing where things went wrong. Gripping a 45 at the same damn time like it's my last breathe. What's the reason to my madness??? Today's first half wasn't productive at all, I spent hours on the train that when I decided to get off it moved. I missed a very important mandatory meeting that I hope will allow me to squeeze in tomorrow. I spent half of the day underground and lost Pateience. I found Haste and we have been getting along, for now. I'm hungry but I'm not...if you can relate. I waited in the bodega for a beef patty with cheese and coco bread. He spent 15 minutes making two sandwiches, seriously I timed him. I left, went across the street, picked up George and went back. He was still making the same sandwich, so you know what Haste and I said. I'm seconds away from the mystery van right, the best legal smoking you don't read me though. Only problem with scooby is I never want to leave, tomorrow is a new day. I'm going to finish the second half with my chin guarded because I don't sleep and neither do these streets. This game is far from over and I still want to play. I might be able to post tonight depending on my vision. I don't give up, just become celibate every now and then. I'm a month away from tools hope it say that way. I met this girl during my hour wait on train, she kept smiling at me. She was kept smiling. I smiled and walked up to her, I asked her was something on my face? She said "No." I told her "you seem like a good person, can you do me a favor?" She said "it depends..." I told her "Pray for me" #staythirsty my friends

Just my thoughts...

Trying to drown myself in gold bottles and it's only the a.m...Good morning, yea sure. No one is perfect, flaws are proof. Sitting in front of my words is more straight forward to me than the man in the mirror. There is no eyes to the soul just lines to get in between. My fascination with perfection forces me to proof read over and over...it's never perfect though. Tomorrow is a blur, similar to last night, living in a fog with no lighthouse. Today is an opportunity I must take advantage of because it wasn't promised to every one. My emotions are strings on your guitar, played but your soft finger tips. I've heard this song before and I didn't like it, it grew on me but I still don't like it. I rather here my playlist of hustling and gun toting. Getting rich while haters lose their lives, behind the fumes in the 'Mystery Van' eyes getting heavy. I feel the instant gratification from my stresses and my mind finally rest for 5 to 10 minutes. Then I drift, float and roll through the nine clouds. Seeing everything I need to do to get what I want and I do it. I chase it accomplishing piece by piece never actually completing a task fast enough to complete the next. Risking it all like life is cheap when really it's an expensive game. We all have different consoles and different versions of the game but we all have the same goal...WIN! As I add a spark to the front of this paper, I see the burning glow that wont let me let go. Holding on tight 'my light' wont allow me to believe the hype. There's not a shadow in sight 'The Perfect Darkness', death is the only true way to be heartless. We all marked targets don't spend your whole life aiming to miss. I figure this and now I'm focused, sitting here it's all so clear. Go and Get it!!! #YOLO #StayThirsty My friends...

Voluntary Exile

Webster defines exile as 

 b : the state or a period of voluntary absence from one's country or home

 2: a person who is in exile

   There’s a point when one is exiled from their daily success. Constant instant gratification isn’t constant and neither is non-gratification. I keep daily goals that have become somewhat of a habit/foundation/dream. Even a realist dreams… 

 Webster defines Realism as

 1: concern for fact or reality and rejection of the impractical and visionary

 2 a : a doctrine that universals exist outside the mind; specifically : the conception that an abstract term names an independent and unitary reality

 b : a theory that objects of sense perception or cognition exist independently of the mind —

 3: the theory or practice of fidelity in art and literature to nature or to real life and to accurate representation without idealization

   …a world with accurate representation, if not then why too does a realist make mistakes? Stepping outside the box isn’t just a figure of speech. It is great advice, I look at ‘staying in your square’ as actually being cramped in a box. There must be time for stretching or else stiffness can occur. 

 “It's a kindness that the mind can go where it wishes.” ― Ovid, The Poems of Exile: Tristia and the Black Sea Letters 

 No limitations, allowing your mind to rest voluntarily away from home. To drift in to a foreign zone for the first day forces the body, mind and spirit to rest. Patience is not one of my best qualities so allowing my mind to exit as if I’m in a new environment was therapeutic. I forced myself away from my home and into a uncharted world. I experienced the comfort away from reality, dreams, burdens, stress and daily work activities. I returned feeling a sense of hope I knew was there but needed to a little spit shine. We know what is asked of us and what is expected. We know what life is and what we wish it was. We know how to maneuver and how to function but every now and then you need a refresher. The knives in the draw need to be sharpened.

Recover and Recoup

Merriam-Webster definition of Recuperation 
 1: to get back : regain
 2: to bring back into use or currency : revive

 Merriam-Webster medical definition of Recovery 
 : the act of regaining or returning toward a normal or healthy state

 “If you desire healing, let yourself fall ill, let yourself fall ill.” ― Rumi

 Running day after day, month after month will take it's toll on any person. Dedicating your time to others is morally correct but can result in exhaustion. Not scoring at least a D can lead to failure in life lessons. Upon realizing this I have taken in account for the amount of time I was spending. Time is expensive because it's priceless. After calculating the amount of sleep I was getting, splurges, and working. By the productivity level, needless to say I was descending excessively. I've taken this advice and confined myself to bed rest on this beautiful day. I've attached the IV and induced the morphine...I'm ill....I'm ill.

 “it's not how far you fall, but how high you bounce that counts.” ― Zig Ziglar 

 My thought process revolves around many things, one of them being if you did it once you can do it again. If he did it better than him, you can do it better than them. I have fallen ill after bouncing high. While in descent I'm embracing the cool rapid airflow, with my eyes close. I'm envisioning a crowd of familiar smiling faces and the future I pursue. I should be afraid but I'm not, I don't break, I bounce. At the height I'm falling from, I can't help but to bounce back even higher.

 “It is not true that everyone is special. It is true that everyone was once special and still possesses the ability to recover it.” ― Criss Jami 

 To recover your specialty is special. It's what makes you special. We all have gifts and talents that we are should share with the world. We have the potential to achieve our goals and dreams. There have been many times I've felt recovery was a deed that I owed myself. It is now a way of life, living is mandatory and surrendering isn't an option.

 “From recovery to rags and rags to recovery symbolizes art - a perfect compilation of human imperfections.” ―Criss Jami, Salomé: In Every Inch In Every Mile 

 We all make mistakes and will till the end of time. It's natural, with no make-up shows imperfections. Some are ashamed of their flaws while others are proud and showing them off. Life is filled with ups, downs, rounds and rounds. One day you're up and the next you're down. What is most important during recovery is to maintain your recovery and build. I listen to French Montana and on a track titled Sanctuary produced by Black Metaphor. French asked "I don't know what's worst...to never get it or to get it and lose it?"

"Try, Try, Try again"

"Everything that happens happens as it should, and if you observe carefully, you will find this to be so."
- Marcus Aurelius

I find this to be so due to my personal experience and analyzing my present. Everything I've been through prepared me for this present moment. We have free will and the decisions we make gives us experience and knowledge. For example, when we were children and understood right from wrong some of us were drawn to the dancing blue and orange light or the red eye on the stove. Your guardian said "no" but you were determined to touch it, at least I know I was. My doctor said this was an early sign of my future obstacles. He said since I touched it I showed early signs of rebellion, ambition, persistence and independence along with some other hogwash. If you didn't touch the amazing flame or red eye congratulations woo who. He said if I touched it more than once I had serious issues, I'm unsure if I did. The point is once I learned it was HOT, I was aware and careful ever since.
"Nothing happens to any man that he is not formed by nature to bear."

- Marcus Aurelius

Experience doesn't have to come from an event you've personally experienced. Experience can come from the advice of someone who did or didn't experienced a particular event. Experience can come from a story or event you seen or heard someone else experienced whether T.V., radio, internet, magazine, etc. Experience can also come from common sense. From experience comes knowledge and than wisdom but it's one thing to have wisdom and another thing to be wise. Wisdom means "the quality or state of being wise; knowledge of what is true or right coupled with just judgment as to action" Wise means "having the power of discerning and judging properly as to what is true or right; possessing discernment, judgment, or discretion. 2.) characterized by or showing such power."

"Let it be your constant method to look into the design of people's actions, and see what they would be at, as often as it is practicable; and to make this custom the more significant, practice it first upon yourself."

- Marcus Aurelius

Having the experience and knowledge, to this day I still don't utilize my wisdom and make wise decisions. Sometimes there are no negative consequences, just fun and more experience but the keyword is sometimes. "Sometime" is not "all the time" which means it's just a matter of time, in my opinion of course. I've experienced first hand by continuously putting myself in the same negative situation, I've decreased my odds of a positive out come but not permanently of course. I continuously experience to this day what HOT is. My doctor says Ben Franklin and Rita Mae Brown stated "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different

results." I told him my teacher stated my kindergarten teacher, Ms. Evans, stated "Try, Try, Try again." My doctor calls it insanity, I call it determination. I'm was raised and taught to not be a quitter, I think majority of us were. I can't say to give up if something your attempting that isn't working for you or your not good because of Colonel Harland David Sander. Colonel Sanders is the founder of KFC who is rumored to have created over 1000 recipes before the winning formula was found. Thomas Edison attempted to invent the light bulb over 10,000 times and didn't really invented. The point is were they insane? Maybe they were but so what, they were successful.
"Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present."

- Marcus Aurelius

Some of us have to go through a dramatic or tragic event to change or quit. Some don't, like the ones who never touched the flame or the red eye, because they feel it's not worth it. Few never quit and literary "try, try, try again" until the get it or die, which very comes first. Experience teaches and knowledge is what learned. So abuse your free will my friends, reach for your dreams and "try, try, try again"until it becomes a reality.

"Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last."

- Marcus Aurelius

AKA

#YOLO

Marcus Aurelius was a Stoic and Roman Emperor in 161 to 180. He lived from April 26, 121 AD to March 17, 180 AD.

I need a Hobby..."bout dat life"...Currently

Sometimes there has to be a dramatic event in order for a much needed dramatic change. During recovery you undergo medications to keep you stable, then treatment to draw you off the medication and finally therapy. The medications are good but can become addictive, treatment can take years or as little as hours and physical therapy can last all your life or less than a month. I can't take medication so I don't need treatment which leaves me to physical therapy. I've have decided to pick up a hobby, writing. I started this blog but didn't follow through mainly because I picked another hobby and basically didn't pace myself. This time I will start another blog focused on Short stories and/or series, I haven't decided yet and maintain this blog. I will keep you posted on the short story Blog Site, now back to the regular broadcasting blog...

WTF is up with people talking about they "bout dat life"? I'm talking about the ones who don't have no dope, never sold dope or even have a hustle SMH. On top of them being "bout dat life" they don't have no money LMFAO. Don't get it confused getting money or materials from your mom, family, friends, associates and co workers IS A BLESSING it doesn't make you a hustla or "bout dat life." It's what you do with it and what you do that makes you "bout dat life" i.e Flip, Re-up, Rob, Steal, Kill. If you have a job sorry your not "bout dat life" but if you have a job and hustle on the side i.e not legit then you "bout dat life." That's just my opinion. WTF is up with people saying someone isn't "bout dat life" but then say "I don't judge nobody...don't judge me...you shouldn't judge people" LMFAO OMG What??? I use to Judge people especially when they say BS like this topic but I evolved. I'm no better than any one walking this earth so if you don't affect me in a negative way, "I F**ks with you", "The Long way, The Strong Way, Always but the Wrong Way." Even if you "bout dat life" SMH "do you" Get your paper I don't knock you.

OMG this week was cray...It started on Tuesday and I don't know when it will end but I do know it's not forever. SMH I didn't think I would be where I'm at now but I'm not complaining. Even though it effected me in a negative way I'm rebuilding and I'm slowly still progressing. I learned another lesson in life which I knew and heard for years but didn't full understand. "God blesses the one who has his/her own" SMH Amen. I've made mistakes and repeated the same mistakes until I got it right but you live and you learn. Now I'm in a situation where I didn't want to be in the first place SMH sharing an apartment but since I was in denial aka "love" SMH I'm definitely where I didn't want to go back, sharing a room not by choice. "It is what it is and it isn't forever" and on the upside my roommates are positive and Ex Cons fresh out from 10 years plus. Actually Everybody in the building are Ex Cons fresh out except me LMFAO. Feels like I'm "behind the walls" again but "it is what it is and it isn't forever." I'm some what thankfully because I'm not dead and I'm not behind the walls plus I'm sober for the first time in over 10 years...Yea I know over a decade. I still want to F**king DRINK LMFAO does that make me alcoholic???

Everybody stay safe, drink and smoke responsibly LOL, reach your goals, stay confident and ambitious. Leave a comment or a like...Whats your hobby? Old or New. Till the next Post STAY ADVENTUROUS

Really starting to enjoy my blog site

I'm really starting to enjoy posting on my blog site. I'm increasing my vocabulary, spelling and grammer, while pouring my issues on electronic paper. I'm also sharpening my word play, LMFAO...Me time was much needed, I've had time to miss and love, I've. Had time to indulge in deep conversation with minimal hermano, time is on my side. I feel refreshed, rejuvenated, rehabilitated because most of all my mind needed to be relocated. I woke up around 12pm for the first time in over a year...SMH, all work and no play. I'm already regretting Monday through Friday because I'm starting small on me time, I don't want to send myself into shock...LMFAO. I get a little to free when I spend too much time with myself. I start thinking I'm diplomatic and sovereign LMFAO ROTF Mc Hammer uugh *my rosay voice. It's difficult when your comfortable, but eventually its time to change the mattress . Think of it as waking up on the wrong side of the bed everyday, it's time for a change, time to evolve. I learned a word that grew on me over the years, aggrandize, a verb meaning to increase the power, status or wealth of. 2. Enhance the reputation of (someone) beyond what is justified by the facts. Synonyms: enlarge-magnify-increase-extend-amplify-augment. This is a strong word like ambition, integrity, intriguing...I first learned this word reading literature, it aggrandized on me and inflicted some of my success. I became to believe I was the word, I am aggrandize, I am....I think in my sub conscious this word still aggrandizes. Now I get depressed when I'm not being productive or evolving, it bothers me that I have to constantly be participating in something....anything, SMH *pause. I'm done with the unnecessary, I'm moving on, instead of arguing and fighting I'm thinking and making an intelligent decision. Some people are the way they are and their's people who think they can change them. In reality you can't, some people are stuck the way the are and are the way they are. Confusing? Yes, this is why some people know how to pick and choose their battles and walk away, while others react off of confusion violently. I still tend to react violently but I'm learning to talk it out, last resort is to walk it out, SMH....Life has taught me that nothing is forever, work hard for the things you want and your children or grandchildren future. Your future already has an end....your next generation just has longer than you, so why be selfish? LMFAO....Yea it is what it is and I hope I live forever, wherever or whatever is next...