End of the First Half...

Face to Face with George we're discussing where things went wrong. Gripping a 45 at the same damn time like it's my last breathe. What's the reason to my madness??? Today's first half wasn't productive at all, I spent hours on the train that when I decided to get off it moved. I missed a very important mandatory meeting that I hope will allow me to squeeze in tomorrow. I spent half of the day underground and lost Pateience. I found Haste and we have been getting along, for now. I'm hungry but I'm not...if you can relate. I waited in the bodega for a beef patty with cheese and coco bread. He spent 15 minutes making two sandwiches, seriously I timed him. I left, went across the street, picked up George and went back. He was still making the same sandwich, so you know what Haste and I said. I'm seconds away from the mystery van right, the best legal smoking you don't read me though. Only problem with scooby is I never want to leave, tomorrow is a new day. I'm going to finish the second half with my chin guarded because I don't sleep and neither do these streets. This game is far from over and I still want to play. I might be able to post tonight depending on my vision. I don't give up, just become celibate every now and then. I'm a month away from tools hope it say that way. I met this girl during my hour wait on train, she kept smiling at me. She was kept smiling. I smiled and walked up to her, I asked her was something on my face? She said "No." I told her "you seem like a good person, can you do me a favor?" She said "it depends..." I told her "Pray for me" #staythirsty my friends

Just my thoughts...

Trying to drown myself in gold bottles and it's only the a.m...Good morning, yea sure. No one is perfect, flaws are proof. Sitting in front of my words is more straight forward to me than the man in the mirror. There is no eyes to the soul just lines to get in between. My fascination with perfection forces me to proof read over and over...it's never perfect though. Tomorrow is a blur, similar to last night, living in a fog with no lighthouse. Today is an opportunity I must take advantage of because it wasn't promised to every one. My emotions are strings on your guitar, played but your soft finger tips. I've heard this song before and I didn't like it, it grew on me but I still don't like it. I rather here my playlist of hustling and gun toting. Getting rich while haters lose their lives, behind the fumes in the 'Mystery Van' eyes getting heavy. I feel the instant gratification from my stresses and my mind finally rest for 5 to 10 minutes. Then I drift, float and roll through the nine clouds. Seeing everything I need to do to get what I want and I do it. I chase it accomplishing piece by piece never actually completing a task fast enough to complete the next. Risking it all like life is cheap when really it's an expensive game. We all have different consoles and different versions of the game but we all have the same goal...WIN! As I add a spark to the front of this paper, I see the burning glow that wont let me let go. Holding on tight 'my light' wont allow me to believe the hype. There's not a shadow in sight 'The Perfect Darkness', death is the only true way to be heartless. We all marked targets don't spend your whole life aiming to miss. I figure this and now I'm focused, sitting here it's all so clear. Go and Get it!!! #YOLO #StayThirsty My friends...

Voluntary Exile

Webster defines exile as 

 b : the state or a period of voluntary absence from one's country or home

 2: a person who is in exile

   There’s a point when one is exiled from their daily success. Constant instant gratification isn’t constant and neither is non-gratification. I keep daily goals that have become somewhat of a habit/foundation/dream. Even a realist dreams… 

 Webster defines Realism as

 1: concern for fact or reality and rejection of the impractical and visionary

 2 a : a doctrine that universals exist outside the mind; specifically : the conception that an abstract term names an independent and unitary reality

 b : a theory that objects of sense perception or cognition exist independently of the mind —

 3: the theory or practice of fidelity in art and literature to nature or to real life and to accurate representation without idealization

   …a world with accurate representation, if not then why too does a realist make mistakes? Stepping outside the box isn’t just a figure of speech. It is great advice, I look at ‘staying in your square’ as actually being cramped in a box. There must be time for stretching or else stiffness can occur. 

 “It's a kindness that the mind can go where it wishes.” ― Ovid, The Poems of Exile: Tristia and the Black Sea Letters 

 No limitations, allowing your mind to rest voluntarily away from home. To drift in to a foreign zone for the first day forces the body, mind and spirit to rest. Patience is not one of my best qualities so allowing my mind to exit as if I’m in a new environment was therapeutic. I forced myself away from my home and into a uncharted world. I experienced the comfort away from reality, dreams, burdens, stress and daily work activities. I returned feeling a sense of hope I knew was there but needed to a little spit shine. We know what is asked of us and what is expected. We know what life is and what we wish it was. We know how to maneuver and how to function but every now and then you need a refresher. The knives in the draw need to be sharpened.

Recover and Recoup

Merriam-Webster definition of Recuperation 
 1: to get back : regain
 2: to bring back into use or currency : revive

 Merriam-Webster medical definition of Recovery 
 : the act of regaining or returning toward a normal or healthy state

 “If you desire healing, let yourself fall ill, let yourself fall ill.” ― Rumi

 Running day after day, month after month will take it's toll on any person. Dedicating your time to others is morally correct but can result in exhaustion. Not scoring at least a D can lead to failure in life lessons. Upon realizing this I have taken in account for the amount of time I was spending. Time is expensive because it's priceless. After calculating the amount of sleep I was getting, splurges, and working. By the productivity level, needless to say I was descending excessively. I've taken this advice and confined myself to bed rest on this beautiful day. I've attached the IV and induced the morphine...I'm ill....I'm ill.

 “it's not how far you fall, but how high you bounce that counts.” ― Zig Ziglar 

 My thought process revolves around many things, one of them being if you did it once you can do it again. If he did it better than him, you can do it better than them. I have fallen ill after bouncing high. While in descent I'm embracing the cool rapid airflow, with my eyes close. I'm envisioning a crowd of familiar smiling faces and the future I pursue. I should be afraid but I'm not, I don't break, I bounce. At the height I'm falling from, I can't help but to bounce back even higher.

 “It is not true that everyone is special. It is true that everyone was once special and still possesses the ability to recover it.” ― Criss Jami 

 To recover your specialty is special. It's what makes you special. We all have gifts and talents that we are should share with the world. We have the potential to achieve our goals and dreams. There have been many times I've felt recovery was a deed that I owed myself. It is now a way of life, living is mandatory and surrendering isn't an option.

 “From recovery to rags and rags to recovery symbolizes art - a perfect compilation of human imperfections.” ―Criss Jami, Salomé: In Every Inch In Every Mile 

 We all make mistakes and will till the end of time. It's natural, with no make-up shows imperfections. Some are ashamed of their flaws while others are proud and showing them off. Life is filled with ups, downs, rounds and rounds. One day you're up and the next you're down. What is most important during recovery is to maintain your recovery and build. I listen to French Montana and on a track titled Sanctuary produced by Black Metaphor. French asked "I don't know what's worst...to never get it or to get it and lose it?"